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It’s a common temptation Christians face. Some disappointment has hit your life, or some tragedy. Life has thrown you a curve or taken a turn you know you don’t want. You don’t like the prospect of moving forward under these circumstances, or you find yourself constantly rehearsing something in the past. Anger begins to grow in your heart towards…well, towards God. Now Anger’s close, hard friend, Bitterness, is asking if he can come over. You know it’s not right to feel angry and bitter towards God. But what do you do?

Here’s some thoughts. One of the best things to remember in times like this is that the Lord calls us, invites us, to work these thing out with Him. These situations tempt us to make God into a “He” instead of “You.” We talk and think about Him in the third person instead of to Him in the second person. What we need in these times is extended periods of sitting  with Him, before Him, in prayer, usually with His word open in front of us, thoughtfully praying through its message to us and waiting on Him to speak to us and work in us. In other words, we don’t run from God in these times, we run to Him. And we stay there, patiently resolved to let Him say and do whatever He wants with the situation.   That’s at least one way to describe what the Bible calls “faith.”

While you’re there, with your Bible and your God, here’s an idea of what to read and pray over. Often when we start to get angry at God, it’s because as we think about the situation, we start to see God as some kind of force–an impersonal Mover, or a dictator who makes decisions about our lives but sits far away removed from us and our cares. But of course, this is not who God is at all. (If we think in this direction, we might realize we’re mad at a God of our own making…) So how do we bring ourselves back to spiritual clear-headedness? We go to the Man who the scriptures say most clearly reveals who God is. We go to Jesus. In Him, God has revealed who He is. And when we look at Jesus, when we watch Him heal and serve, when we hear Him speak, we can’t possibly think of God as impersonal or distant anymore. And that’s exactly the way God wants it, apparently. The coming of the Son of God into the world is meant to put to death once and for all the idea that God is anything other than who this Jesus shows Him to be–Loving Father, Serving Son, Comforting Spirit–God with us–the God who moved into our neighborhood and laid His life down to deal with all the wrongs we’ve perpetrated and all the things perpetrated against us. In other words, the pain that we’ve let start to breed bitterness in our hearts is exactly the pain Jesus Christ died to eradicate. This God didn’t just destroy sin, he died to make sure one day He could say: “I will wipe away every tear from every eye, and there shall be no more pain, for sorrow and sighing will flee away!”

To make this very pointed, try this biblical remedy for God-ward bitterness. Read through the passages that deal with the crucifixion: Psalm 22, Isaiah 52:13-53:12, Matthew 26-27, Mark 14:17-15:47, Luke 22-23, John 10:7-21, John 12:23-33, John 13-19, Philippians 2:5-11. Then ask yourself: Can I be mad at this man? Can I be bitter towards him? And turn in prayer then, right towards God, and talk to Him directly about this supreme demonstration of love He showed towards us on the cross. What would you like to say to this Jesus?   “Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.” –Psalm 62:8

Still thinking through Christian friendship. A simple word search of all the “one another” passages in the New Testament is a great place to start getting at God’s thoughts on this subject. It yields some interesting results. For instance, in this list, look at some of the things we’re called to do with each other…

Honor each other.
Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; – Romans 12:10

Owe each other love.
Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law. – Romans 13:8

Serve each other.
For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. – Galatians 5:13

Speak truth to each other.
Therefore, putting away lying, “Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another. – Ephesians 4:25

Submit to each other.
…submitting to one another in the fear of God. – Ephesians 5:21

Comfort each other.
Therefore comfort one another with these words. – 1 Thessalonians 4:18

Confess to each other.
Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. – James 5:16

Have each other over. Take care of each other.
Be hospitable to one another without grumbling. – 1 Peter 4:9

Speak the scriptures to each other. Sing to each other.
…speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, – Ephesians 5:19

Teach and admonish each other.
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. – Colossians 3:16

Rejoice with each other. Weep with each other.
Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. – Romans 12:15

Stir each other up to do good things.
Let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works. – Hebrews 10:24

I’m currently studying to teach a study on “Deepening Our Friendships.” It’s the topic Mike Focht gave me for Spirit Week here in the High School at Calvary Christian Academy, and I have to say, while I jumped at the chance, the topic is proving more difficult than I originally thought. Proverbs says a lot about friends…but the New Testament doesn’t have any passages explicitly dealing with the issue.

…Until you realize that almost the whole thing deals with friendships, especially in the letters. Just think of all the “one another” verses and all the “fellowship” (koinonia) verses and all the “neighbor” verses. So actually there’s a mountain of stuff to search, pray, and meditate through. And what a crucial topic for our times, right? Don’t we need each other? Haven’t we been affected by the breakdown of human relationships all around us, driven as it is by our culture, the one we live and breathe in?

In addition to sifting the scriptures to discern the mind of God, I’m scouring other sources for wisdom from seasoned saints. Of course, one of my favorites has some thought on this. You may have read this before because I think he wrote versions of this a lot. Here’s C.H. Mackintosh with some seriously edifying words:

It is one of our great difficulties at the present moment — indeed it has ever been a difficulty — to combine a narrow path with a wide heart.

There is very much on all sides tending to produce isolation. We cannot deny it. Links of human friendship seem so fragile; so many things crop up to shake confidence; so many things which one cannot possibly sanction, that the path becomes more and more isolated.

All this is unquestionably true. But we must be very careful as to how we meet this condition of things. We have little idea how much depends on the spirit in which we carry ourselves in the midst of scenes and circumstances which, all must admit, are uniquely trying.

For example, I may retreat in upon myself and become bitter, gloomy, severe, repulsive, withered up, having no heart for the Lord’s people, for His service, for the holy and happy exercises of the assembly. I may become barren of good works, having no sympathy with the poor, the sick, the sorrowful. I may live in the narrow circle in which I have withdrawn, thinking only of myself and my personal and family interests.

What can be more miserable than this? It is the most deplorable selfishness, but we do not see it because we are blinded by our inordinate occupation with other people’s failures.

Now it is a very easy matter to find flaws and faults in our brethren and friends. But the question is, How are we to meet these things? Is it by retreating in upon ourselves? Never! To do this is to render ourselves as miserable in ourselves as we are worthless, and worse than worthless, to others.

There are few things more pitiable than what we call “a disappointed man.” He is always finding fault with others. He has never discovered the real root of the matter or the true secret of dealing with it. He has retired, but within himself. He is isolated, but his isolation is utterly false. He is miserable; and he will make all who come under his influence — all who are weak and foolish enough to listen to him — as miserable as himself. He has completely broken down in his practical career; he has succumbed to the difficulties of his time and proved himself wholly unequal to meet the stern realities of actual life. Then, instead of seeing and confessing this, he retires into his own narrow circle and finds fault with everyone except himself.

How truly delightful and refreshing to turn from this dismal picture to the only perfect Man who ever trod this earth! His path was indeed an isolated one — none more so. He had no sympathy with the scene around Him. “The world knew Him not.” “He came unto His own [Israel], and His own received Him not.” “He looked for some to take pity, but there was none; and for comforters, but He found none.” Even His own beloved disciples failed to sympathize with, or understand Him. They slept on the mount of transfiguration in the presence of His glory and they slept in the Garden of Gethsemane in the presence of His agony. They roused Him out of His sleep with their unbelieving fears and were continually intruding upon Him with their ignorant questions and foolish notions.

How did He meet all this? In perfect grace, patience and tenderness. He answered their questions; He corrected their notions; He hushed their fears; He solved their difficulties; He met their need; He made allowance for their infirmities; He gave them credit for devotedness in the moment of desertion; He looked at them through His own loving eyes and loved them, notwithstanding all. “Having loved His own which were in the world, He loved them unto the end.”

Christian reader, let us seek to drink into our blessed Master’s spirit and walk in His footsteps. Then our isolation will be of the right kind, and though our path may be narrow, the heart will be large.