Biblical wisdom is the best advice. Ahead of tonight’s study on how the lordship of Christ affects our relationships, here’s a look at four qualities of a good friend we find in Proverbs (from Derek Kidner’s Commentary):
- Constancy is his first feature. Fair-weather friends are many in Proverbs (e.g. 14:20; 19:4; 6, 7), but ‘there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother’ (18:24), and ‘loveth at all times’ (17:17). In case the reader should think only of the friendship he hopes to receive, he is urged to give this kind of loyalty (27:10), especially to the old friend of the family who may easily be dropped in the search for new company, but whose staunchness would stand any test.
- Candour. ‘Faithful are the wounds of a friend’ (27:6); for ‘a man that flattereth his friend spreadeth a net for his feet’ (29:5). David shirked his duty to Adonijah his son (‘he had not displeased him at any time in saying, Why hast thou done so?’ 1 Kings 1:6), and it cost that son his life. But any thanks that a friend gets for this service are likely to be delayed: he must be prepared to wait till ‘afterwards’ (28:23).
- Counsel. Two sayings in chapter 27 give the two sides to this: the cheering effect of fellowship (27:9, see note; as when Jonathan strengthened David’s hand in the Lord, 1 Sam. 23:16), and the healthy clash of personalities or views (27:17). A true friendship should have both elements, the reassuring and the bracing.
- Tact: respect for another’s feelings; refusal to trade on his affection. The examples in Proverbs are of all-too-familiar lapses: outstaying one’s welcome (or forcing one’s friendship on a person), 25:17; being hearty at the wrong time, when it is unwelcome (27:14) or even cruel (25:20); and not knowing when a joke has gone far enough (26:18,19).
p.s. “candour” is a good word to know…